The Great Chubby\’s Debate

Big trouble in the Town of Thorp, where a new nude dancing establishment has drawn the ire of local residents. Many long-time residents are objecting to the opening of Chubby\’s, a new \”gentleman\’s club\” in the Town (and nothing says \”gentleman\” like a guy throwing money at a woman to see her chest.)

I was most amused by the reaction of local mother Kristine Rudnick:

Kristine Rudnick, a mother of four boys who has lived near the Chubby’s site for 26 years, fears club owners will be lenient on keeping underage patrons out.“I am scared to death,” Rudnick said. “I have a 17-year-old. What stops him from going to the parking lot and looking at the prostitutes.“He already saw a stripper and told his friends she had a nice body. He found that exciting,” she said.

That sound you heard was Rudnick\’s 17 year old son jumping off a bridge out of embarrassment. Can\’t imagine he\’ll hear about that at school. MOM!

The article concludes with this epic passage:

“The strip club will cause friction in marriages and the area will see a steep increase in divorces. There is nothing we can benefit from this,” Nitz said.

Karen Koltis, who operates a mental health clinic in Stanley, says she has already seen effects of the new business.“It makes my heart bleed knowing the corruption that is occurring and that I might not be able to help,” Koltis said. She said that on Monday a young couple came to her facility seeking counseling because of the strip club.“She was crying because her husband might go there,” Koltis said. “They are truly hurting and destroying this community and that is not fair to us God-fearing people.”

Just having a strip club near your house causes divorce? I would think a more realistic cause of divorce is having a wife that\’s so crazy, she actually thinks having a strip club in the town affects your marriage in any way.

Can you imagine this poor guy whose wife pulled him into counseling because she thinks he might go to the strip club? If this guy actually agreed to go see a marriage counselor, then this woman has nothing to worry about. I would have paid the counselor by stuffing a wad of singles into her underwear.

Just imagine what\’ll happen when Kevin Bacon rolls into town and starts dancing.