As I mentioned a couple of posts ago, my almost-4 year old son is still pretty little.  The doctor did a “bone scan” or something on him, and it said he had 2 year-old bones.  (Which sounds like what you get if you overdose on Viagra.)  Our pediatrician, who is a really nice woman, said this was pretty normal for a late bloomer.  She thinks he’ll grow to normal size (he’s three apples high, like a smurf) by the time he’s in high school.

But we took him in for a checkup today, and the discussion about his height took a bizarre turn.  Somehow, she started asking questions of me, and whether I was a late bloomer.  It went something like this:

Doctor: “So Chris, were you a late bloomer?”

Me:  “Yeah, I was always pretty small for my age.”

Doctor: “So, in the early years of high school, you got picked on a lot, teased quite a bit for being small?”

Me: “Uhhhhh….”

Doctor: “So puberty was a little late for you, you didn’t start seeing changes in your privates until 13 or 14?”

Me (squirming): “Uhhhhh….”

Doctor: “So, you started shaving late, maybe your voice didn’t change until junior year or so?  It’s harder for boys to tell, because they don’t have a period.”

Me: “Let’s just say I would consider myself to be a late bloomer.  And that’s pretty much it.”

I mean seriously, WTF?  How did this checkup for my kid somehow become about me?  Should I have started asking her about when she grew into womanhood?  This seemed to be a little too much of a one-way conversation.  Now, having to re-live being picked on in high school is going to force me to see a completely different doctor.  ObamaCare better pay for my f’ing therapy.

(Side note: As it turns out, I was always the smallest kid in my class.  In 3rd grade, I was constantly beat up by a roving gang of older girls in my elementary school.  My entire life has been devoted to showing those girls that they didn’t get the best of me.  And that I don’t smell like poop, as they claimed without having any evidence.)