My wife was out of town for the weekend, and took my daughter with her. So I had \”bachelor weekend,\” meaning I remained in a horizontal position for about 36 straight hours. I still think my newspaper is sitting outside. I didn\’t read any news or do anthing remotely responsible – for all I know, America could have invaded North Korea by now (someone leave a comment if we have).

I also attempted to set the world pizza eating record, until my arteries called their social service worker to complain. Incidentally, me eating that much, coupled with the Brewers blowing two games, is a deadly combination – like a caloric molotov cocktail. Don\’t ask me why I feel the need to stuff my face when my wife leaves town. Just getting back in touch with my \”inner bachelor,\” which involves going downstairs to ogle all of my most valuable personal possessions, all of which are fastidiously sealed in tupperware containers in the basement.

While indefinitely reclined, I caught a couple of shows that I now can\’t think of my life without. I watched a few episodes of the \”World Series of Pop Culture,\” and I\’m hooked. I absolutely must try out for this show – I\’m soliciting for other Madison contestants to join a team with me. It\’s about a simple of a concept as can be – you just stand up there and answer pop culture questions (there\’s usually only one hard one per set of six questions). Then, when you win, you have to go give an interview to Lisa Guererro (who looks like she has been hooked up to a mayonnaise I.V. since she got booted from Monday Night Football).

I am the king of useless trivia. My wife refuses to play Trivial Pursuit with me because I\’m so good. Actually, it\’s because I taunt her relentlessly – when I get a question right, I get up and do a dance reminiscent of Daniel\’s bird pose in \”The Karate Kid.\” But I do know a lot about meaningless stuff, and the questions are easy. Just get me on the show, and I\’ll dominate.

Two other notes – this show is replete with cute girls who are carrying a few extra pounds. Not making a value judgement, merely an observation. Also, it features the greatest team name I\’ve ever heard. Unfortunately \”We\’re What Willis Was Talkin\’ About\” lost in the semifinals.

I also caught a couple of episodes of the inexplicable \”Pants Off Dance Off\” on the FUSE Network. There just aren\’t words for this show. Apparently, regular folks go on TV and strip to their favorite song for the chance to win like 20 bucks or something. All it costs them is their dignity. Rather than describe it for you, I\’ll just point you to the webpage, where you can see the contestants and watch videos. I highly recommend \”Steve,\” for beginners. And you might not want to tell people you enjoyed it.